Excuses and What Not

This picture is from the 1967 family reunion. The little blond boy on the right is Billy age almost 3
Well my family reunion was Saturday and I didn't go. I didn't really want to because I feel so out of place. Also it's like no one ever mentions George or asks me anything, although I know they all wonder and must talk about it when I am not around and so when I am around it just all makes me very self conscious and angry. Angry? Yes angry. Why anger? I guess I will have to think about that one for awhile. I had made some food to take, but then Gail didn't get the car because she thought it was going to rain. It had rained most of the night and would have been muddy even if we didn't get anymore so she did not want to take the kids out to the park. I was just relieved that I didn't have to go and pretend to have a good time. I know this makes me a horrible person, but I can't help it.

I feel like I am doing so little with my life and wasting precious time, but I haven't come up with a way to change that and be happy. Some days I don't feel quite as bad then something will hit me and I am back to square one. I need to spend more time thinking about what I want to do instead of thinking so much about the past, but knowing that and doing it are 2 very different things. I know all the right answers, I just can't seem to make them pertain to myself. One thing I do know, I need more than just a bed in my teenage granddaughters bedroom. So many teens her age would resent my being there, but she doesn't. Maybe a resoultion to that should be the first problem I tackle. I have not wanted to give up on going home but I just don't know anymore.

I found these instructions for making a Beach Memory Wreath. I may make one for myself and I could make one for Treva or Tasha for Christmas.

Beach Treasure Wreath
Make a special wreath with all the treasures you find on vacation at the beach!
Materials Needed:
Heavy Cardboard
Glue
Beach Treasures
Instructions:Cut a wreath shape out of heavy cardboard (you can also use a piece of wood). Spread glue all over the wreath shape (use an old paint brush to make sure it is all covered) and sprinkle on sand to cover the entire wreath. Set it aside to dry.
Now you can glue on your beach treasures such as sea shells, pebbles, seaweed, twigs, etc. Let dry and then hang!

One year for Christmas, 1997, to be exact. I used a display frame to make Mikael and Ashley a memory of their 1st beach trip with us. I put in different shells we had found, pictures I had taken, post cards, etc.