Teenage Angst

Mikael loves school, but she has come home from volley ball practice both nights crying. The 1st night she was crying because she "thought" the coach was keeping her on Junior Varsity again this year and last night he had announced who was on senior and junior varsity. She was so upset and crying. She loves volley ball and has never missed practice or a game, but I have no idea about how well she plays. I didn't hear what all she said to Gail about it because I went in the bedroom to get out of their way and I couldn't hear it all. I heard Gail tell her to go and play her heart out and make him sorry he didn't choose her. Later Mikael ask me if I knew and I said yes and that I agree with her Mom. Before bedtime she was ok laughing and talking about other school stuff. Anita's husband's granddaughter wore an inappropriate outfit to school and had to wear a big shirt all day. She is a beautiful girl but will probably end up in trouble actually she was in a some trouble last year when she was just 12. I wonder if Anita took her shopping and picked out that outfit LOL. I know last year she took her out and brought her some clothes and you can tell by the way Anita herself dresses, sometimes, that she has a hard time understanding what is appropriate.
I hate to see Mikael hurting and upset, but at her age feelings can change back and forth faster than I can keep up with it.

Last week

I was sick most alll of last week only worked 2 days. I don't have any idea what was wrong. I just felt so tired I could barely walk through the house. Didn't want to eat much either. Slept a lot. After the 1st 2 days I could feel myself starting to feel some better, but still very tired. I decided I need to start taking better care of myself, including eating more especially fruits and veggies, take my vitamins daily (including potassium last week I was wondering if it was low so I ate bananas and drank gatorade.) I know I need to get more sleep. I don't understand why I don't want to go to sleep each night. I think if I would just turn out the light I could go to sleep but I read and work puzzles until I fall asleep with a book in my hand something I have never done before. I also need to get more excerise. Saturday I thought I felt well enough to walk to a bunch of yard sales, but after 2 blocks I was already realizing I still was not 100%. Since I wanted to also get a few things from the store I just walked over there while I still felt like doing it. I picked up some ham and fresh collard greens to cook for dinner. I know all greens have lots of potassium and iron too I believe. I cleaned the greens put them on to cook rested a few minutes and walked back to the 1st yard sale. I bought 2 canisters of Avon foot powder for .25 each. That was a good deal since that is the one I buy from Avon. A box of 7 diffrent votive candles for $1.75 another good buy. A little copper jack o lantern candle holder for .25 I think a couple of other things but can't think right now what it was. She had this little heart shaped tin with roses on it that I wanted, I thought I could put a Christmas present for Treva in it and then she would have the tin for her bedroom but she was asking .50 and I asked if she would sale it for .25 and she said no. So I left it.They had an almost new electric lawn mower that they would have taken $55. for I told Gail becsuse she had been looking for a cheap mower but she said since summer was almost over she would just wait and try to find something next spring. She has used Lawrence's weed eater to "mow" all summer except for 2 times that she paid a neighbor to do it. There was a lot of Pampered Chef stuff at the yard sale for 1/2 price which may have been a good bargain for those that use it.

Today is the first day of the new school year. Mikael was excited about going back especially now that she has so many new clothes. I think she finally settled on a black skirt, black tank top and a white shrug to wear today. She was having a problem deciding what shoes to wear with it. Her Aunt Nasha took her Saturday to finish up on buying all of her supplies, except a binder that she couldn't find one she wanted. Gail took her to Rite Aid yesterday to get it.

Wedding Bells

Well well well my nephew John is getting married. John is the same age as Gail 38. he has not even had a regular girlfriend since the last one he wanted to marry and even moved to Missouri for and then she dumped him. That was a long time ago. Years ago. John is very close to my kids and some of his other cousins, but no one will be at the wedding. He is going to get married in Florida just before they board a cruise ship! Dorothy and Harold are going down but no one else as far as I know. Dorothy is happy and thinks Teresa, the bride to be, is wonderful. However the rest of us are unsure. I think John would have liked his aunts and cousins at his wedding but this is the way she wants to do it. She seems to be on a mission to pull him away from his family. When John has his annual Memorial week end cook out everyone has always came and brought their kids with them with every thing being informal and easy. This past May they sent out invitations and said no children allowed. I don't think that was John's doing he loves the kids John would not have seen any need to send invitations as we are all aware of the cookout, but she wanted to do it that way because she wanted to send invitations to her friends. We think she is a snob and a racist. Which could be the reason she didn't want any kids there with her friends coming. Everything seems to be so one sided in this relationship. He does not seem to have any say in his life now. Is he that "in love" with her? Any how Gail just had to go to the cookout to see what was going on so I watched the kids for her. She said everyone of her friends were pretty much stuffy and the jokes they told were not funny. Of course all of this made Gail act up and do her best to shock everyone. She passed around pictures of her kids and if Teresa didn't want "her friends" to know the kids were bi racial too bad they know now. She also said a lot of outrageous stuff just for the shock value. Gail said anytime she started talking Teresa tried to lead the conversation away from her which made Gail act even worse. heehee! She said they did mix some good drinks. John's niece is also bi racial and they have always been very close and she did not even get an invitation to the cookout. He called her a couple of days before and "invited" her. She was hurt and didn't go. This is just not the way John behaves. A reception is planned for December 16th that is about 2 weeks after the cruise. I want to go to just observe. I don't know if children are invited to the reception or not, but Dorothy is not having her annual family Christmas dinner the reception will take the place of that and if children are not invited a lot of his cousins that he has been close to will not show up. I know it is their wedding and they can have whom ever they want, but with Dorothy giving up her dinner for the reception I am sure she expects it to be a family affair. Teresa's friends will be there , I assume, but her only family is her Mother in CA who is not sure if she will be able to come in and some lady here that she calls her Aunt but is not a blood relative. John has always wanted kids of his own and would be a great Dad but she doesn't want any and even if she changed her mind she only has a few years left to have a baby. I feel like I am maybe being unfair to her and I don't want to do that, but the reception should clear it up one way or the other.

Cows and shopping

The twins have now made their first trip to see a movie. Gail and Mikael took them to the Barnyard movie. They liked it very much. Grace calls it the "Big tv screen". They liked the cow with the bird on his tail. As soon as it comes out on DVD I will have to buy it.

Brenda made it in about midnight Friday. She has such a short tie to stay, but she wanted to see her grandbabies. We went to Gabe's and Bath & Body to do some shopping. She tried to buy the stores out. Where she gets to see them so seldom she always buys them a bunch of clothes when she comes in. She also mails Kya stuff often. Kami is still too little to know what is going on. Brenda agreed with everyone else when they told her that Kami was such a sweet and good baby, a big change from the way Kya was/is. They have had somewhat of a problem with Kya wanting to send the new baby back. I guess that is natural. We went to Bath and Beauty where she tried to buy them out too. They had their hand soap on sale at $5 for $15. I bought 5 but she bought 10 soaps, but she will be giving most of them to her daughters. hers to her daughters. She will leave some if not most of them to her daughters. That was Saturday and she had to leave this morning going back to Texas. Bummer. We ate at 5th Quarter after we inished shopping. She said she would probably take some of them home for herself and the Church.

Thoughts

I need to understand what happened in my life. Is anything ever what we believe or something entirely different. Do we all live in a make believe world and see things the way we want them to be and not how they really are?

Well now that I have utterly depressed myself what is next? Even work is not what it used to be. At least I felt sure of myself and my ability at work. Now I think I am going to be having problems in that area. What happened to change everything. I don't have any idea how you can become totally blown apart. Work was always a blessing when things might not be going as well as I would have liked in my personal life. I may retire at the beginning of the year. But if I do I will definitely have to find something I like/love to be useful. I can't imagine retiring and not be expected or ready to do something else. Maybe that is why some folks when they retire have problems with depression they have not prepared for anything to replace the work. That is a must.

Snicks & snails and puppy dog tails

I feel: Confused
I am wearing: silk PJ bottoms and a t shirt
I hate: the telephone
My best friend is: Brenda and Linda
I look: Old
I am often mistaken as being: Critical
I am becoming: Sleepy
The song that is playing right now is: just the sound of birds and noisy twin granddaughters
My favorite memories are: those of my one room school house days, my children & grandchildren, and the 1st 15 years with George
My worst memories are: The last 3 years with George
My favorite vacation place is: Ocracoke Island, NC
I want: more happiness, freedom, and money
I am making: Goals
I want to be: Happy
I try hard to: Be understanding
my fear is: Dying
My hopes are: Unrealistic
I enjoy: Reading, the grandkids, traveling,
When I get older, I: Hope to be healthy
I am trying to decide: What type of camera to buy
The book I’m reading now is: Switcharoo
Little luxuries of mine are: Starbucks coffee, chocolate ice cream, puzzle books, books, magazines, a nap in my cozy bed on a week end afternoon, playing hooky from work staying up late and sleeping in, picture frames and albums.
One of my weaknesses: Unable to face the truth
My favorite color is: Blue, green and yellow
My favorite television shows are: Reruns of Friends & Raymond, Desperate Housewives, Paula Dean Cooking show, Bounty Hunter (teehee I love it),
Places I would go in a heart-beat are: Ocracoke Island or anywhere
I love the way: The ocean smells and sounds
I hate the way: A telephone rings
A vexation of mine is: Nosy controlling people
My favorite time of the day is: Dawn
My worse time of day is: Dusk
Summer time is: too hot
I try to block out: heartache, fears, and worry
My life is: Missing George
My favorite season is: Fall and spring although they both can make me sad when I am troubled or lonely
One thing I can’t be happy without is: People and books
I’m trying to: be strong
It hurts when: I'm misunderstood
The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was: make the right choices despite the consequences
Before I go to sleep, I: Have to read and work a few puzzles
The first thing I do in the morning is: Uh Get up?
The best thing about life is: you get to start over each day
I never knew that: How would I know
My room is: Restful, cozy and full of things I love
I cannot: watch sports or scary movies
I love going to: Flea markets, yard sales, and Goodwill
I dislike: Manipulating controlling people
I cry when: Seldom ever
I love the movie: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
Something that makes me smile is: My twin grandbabies
Something about a person that attracts me is: Good sense of humor, selflessness, honesty
Love is: strange, complex and not to be understood, questioned or analyzed
Traveling is: Something I am ready to do at any moment
It is time to: Stop this nonsense
I’m ticked off because: I want to be?

Dumpster Diving

About 3 weeks ago someone had put an ottoman out in the alley for the trash collectors to get. I thought about getting it. It was kinda dirty but otherwise seemed good. Before I could decide someone else took it. I bought one Saturday at a yard sale that would not even have to be cleaned. I only gave $5.00 for it. I think I have become a "dumpster diver"! I got that one wicker chair out of the trash. It makes a good outside chair and looks pretty setting in the yard. We could even set a plant on it or plant flowers around it.. Gail found a table with a pretty tiled top. She uses it in the yard when she cooks out. I love finding things!! Treva said Wednesday night is the best time to go. The trash runs early Thursday. It utterly amazes me the things that people just throw away. I saw an old window frame next door but someone took it too before I could get it. I had printed some things off the computer showing how to decorate and use old frames. I should see another one soon. That is the 2nd one at the same place. I will just have to be quick. Maybe this Wednesday night I need to take a walk, if the heat wave ceases. It was 79 when I got up at 5:30 this morning. I just can't take this heat.