Today

1 Filed Income Tax
2 Applied for SS
3 Copied Gail's floppy

Need to:
1 Call retirement board
2 mail birth certificate and W2's to SS Office
3 Write res letter


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Life's List

Become Paula Dean
Go to Library
Thrift stores
Flea markets
Read
Volunteer
Part time work
I would like to work with
Books
Plants
Both
Re read Pat Conroy especially "Beach Music"
Learn something new (maybe making jewelry, get familiar with flickr)
Watch Twins 1 day per week
Picture collages
Make Lavender sachets for the drawers & closets
More lavender bath salts for Gail (think I have everythinf but salt)

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Dollar Tree List

Valentine decorated Bags or plain bags to decorate
Lace doilies, etc for valentines
Glitter
Candles
Old victorian pictures if available (check my magazines)
Red, pink & white construction paper
Pinking shears
Valentine stickers
Ribbon

Check out the picture frames I already have for decorating

Ink for printer (color & B/W


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Ambivalent

That's me to a T.

George just called he knew I was off on Monday and said he tried to call me last friday evening to see if I would come down and stay for the week end, but when he called my number he got a recording that the phone was out of order. I don't understand that it was working fine.

I told him I would have come down if he had got hold of me. He didn't mention anything about this week end and I didn't either. If he had asked I would have gone, but I have such ambivalent feelings. I want to go we need so badly to talk, but at the same time I have this scared feeling (not scared of him just this bad feeling) I need to really really go down. He said he had the inside temperature sat at 79. I told him that was way too high and if I was there I would turn it down on him (this was one of our continuing things he turns it up I catch his back turned and turn it down and on and on LOL) He said I could just wear shorts in the house and laughed because that’s what I always had to do. I told him I had just told Gail the other day I wasn't used to having to wear long pants in the house. That's one thing that I need my sweat pants and some sweat shirts that I never used to be able to wear. He said he would call later or tomorrow.

Then he said my work number showed up on his phone Monday when he was outside with the dogs. Like I said he knew I was off. I can't figure that one out. I wasn't here to have called him!

The Children

"We pray for children who sneak popsickles before supper, who erase holes in their math workbooks. (Gail remember a certain report card)

"We pray for those who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers, who never "counted potatos" who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead, who never go to the circus, who live in x-rated worlds.

"We pray for children who bring us sticky kisses and fists full of dandelions."And we pray for those who never get dessert, who have no safe blanket to drag behind them, who watch their parents watch them die, who don't have any rooms to clean up, who's pictures aren't on anyones dressers, whose monsters are real.

"We pray for those children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday, who shove dirty clothes under the bed, who get visits from the tooth fairy, who don't like to get kisses in front of the car pool, who squirm in church or temple, whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can makes us cry"And we pray for those whose nightmares comes in the day time, who will eat anything and who have never seen a dentist, who aren't spoiled by anybody, who go to bed hungry and cry them selves to sleep, who live and move but have no being

"We pray for children who want to be carried, and for those who must-for those we never give up on, and for those we smother, and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it." By Ina J. Hughes

Another Twin Tale

Uncle Ed died he was 91! I watched the twins last night so Gail could go to the funeral home.

Out of the blue Gracie looks at me and says "Mommy would have more money if she just had one kid", I said but Mommy loves all 3 of her girls which one would it be if she had only one and she said "Fathie" I said what about you and your big sister. She said "I guess we would just be lost". I can only think she must have heard us say things about money and I know I am guilty at times of saying things for them are so expensive because with twins you have to buy 2 of everything. I need to watch my mouth. She broke my heart saying that.

It was typical that she said Faith would stay, because she would give up everything for her twin. Faith is the same toward her in most things except for toys. The other night Gail had hold of Gracie and was trying to get her PJ's on and Grace was crying and didn't want them on. Her comes Faith flying through the house going up to them and throwing both arms around Grace and telling her Mom "let go of my baby"! Her baby????

List January 07

Hot glue
wood glue
light bulbs
Oil of Olay Products
Aluminum foil
Hair cut/perm

to be continued

Christmas/ New Year 06

Christmas for me was the best it could be at the time. Gail and I had made so much candy and cookies. During the summer I had bought up Christmas tins at yard sales and we made up about 7 of them to give as gifts to some of the people coming to her house Christmas Eve, but don't do a lot of baking or candy making. Mikael's Peppie for example. He is the nicest man. He always buys for the twins on Holidays. For Christmas he bought them each an outfit and each the Dora doll with the twins. They opened those gifts on Christmas Eve but everything else was for Christmas Morning. The twins first reaction on Christmas morning was not to start with exactly what we thought it would be, but they were still sleepy and had been up later the night before, but after about 15 minutes they were into it good. Their favorites are the magna doodles and Dora desk they got and of course they love all of their new dolls. Mikael is spoiled and got even more than she asked for by the time Christmas was over. She got a bunch of stuff she wanted from Gail, Billy and me. Mostly video games and DVD's she wanted, tons of make up and body stuff, a cheap digital camera I can't remember it all. Her Peppie gave her $100,and bought her some nail stuff. Someone else gave her some money too but I think it was 20 or 30 dollars all together. Some one gave her 2 gift certificates. Her gift from Norman was only one thing but I am sure he had to pay a lot for it. He bought her the newest I pod that is out and it was expensive but she was tickled to death. The one she had received from him last year was stolen when she went to an overnight birthday party. Then her Uncle Narnie who lives in VA Beach also has 3 condos at a resort at Myrtle Beach. He brought all the family that wanted to come down there after Christmas. Michael, her aunt, cousin and Peppie drove down together Wednesday after Christmas. Mikael said it is a 5 star resort and it sounded like it. Her Aunt Nasha is making us a copy of the video she made there. Mikael came back with another bunch of new clothes her Peppie bought. She and Nasha went shopping at Old Navy and the Gap he was with them and paid for it all. The only money she spent was for gifts she brought back to all of us. She had already bought us Christmas gifts and we told her she shouldn't have spent her money on us, but she has discovered that there is also joy in giving. Then yesterday Nasha came and got her to go shopping because Peppie decided she needed a warmer winter coat (We can't tell Nana because she bought the one she is wearing last Christmas haha) He got her one of the bubble coats that is apparently popular now (also read expensive) and heaven forbid more stuff from Bath and Body. To start when they were shopping at Tangiers in Myrtle Nasha and Mikael both were going to pay for their own stuff but he was there and paid. She did tell me after they got home yesterday that Claire's and Bath and Body are having good sales. She got her coat at Penney for half price. She still has $100. and the 2 gift certificates.

George is supposed to be calling to see about a school he has to attend before he can get his license back. I have such mixed feelings about that. When I talk to him and he isn't drinking he sounds just like he always used too and when I think back it still gives me a little bump in the tummy and I feel like I should be the one taking care of him when he is sick. It is just all so complicated. He told me he hadn't seen Judy for a good while. Imagine that. I didn't think to ask him if she came to their Christmas on Friday but I will. I have a feeling that she along with George Jr. would like to wash their hands of him and being the bad person I am that gives me delight to know they probably wished they had not butted into our lives.
When I told him that Mikael said although she loved the trip to Myrtle, but that Ocracoke was still her favorite. He got so quite for a bit that I almost wished I hadn't said it but he needs to know how we feel too. However, he is in a fragile state and I do not want to upset him.

I have talked to George almost every day. He was alone Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I felt horrible about it. He said they were "doing" Christmas Friday the 29th. Makes no sense to me. But Pam did come and get him Friday. He said it went OK Ashley was there and he said he liked her boyfriend. Pam came again News Years Eve and took him to the store. He called about 6 PM and said he had got a plate of shrimp to eat. Then yesterday he said he didn't get to bed until about 3 in the morning and then tossed and turned got up at 6 smoked a cigarette and decide he would go back to bed then he slept until 1:00 in the afternoon. I lay down at 9 New Years Eve but never went to sleep. I was still awake at 1:00 heard Lawrence, Gail, and Mikael at midnight, but thought if I got up I would just have that much more trouble going to sleep. I probably sleep 2 or 3 hours total all night.
I had said before the last times I had talked to him he had been drinking, but he wasn't on Christmas Eve or since.
I got so depressed yesterday afternoon I could not even finish cooking. I had told Gail I would cook but then made her help me. I had put on beans early and peeled potatoes early too. All she had to do was cook the cabbage and make the corn bread. By bedtime I felt some better.