Friday and A twin Story

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Grace 2 years oldThe pictures were taken over 1 year ago. Faith 2 years old on June6, 2005

I did not work yesterday because of working last Saturday, if you can call going to a Fair working, but it actually was. I will work Monday but may take the day after the 4th off.

Since I was there yesterday and could watch the twins Gail took the chance to lie down and take a morning nap. Grace has been into telling these big stories. She makes up tales about doing things that she knows will not happen. Such as going outside by herself and riding her trike down the alley all by herself. Back to yesterday she told me that Faith was outside by herself and had rode her bike up on the hill. She said "I looked up and saw her on the hill and said Faithie what the hell are you doing"? I promise, I kept a straight face and did not scold or laugh. However, I did scold her Mother and told her they had better start watching their language, I would hate to see the twins kicked out of pre school for foul language.

They love their new kitty, Ocracoke, I am surprised how gentle they are with him. I had felt Gail needed to wait until they were a little older to get a cat, but I was wrong.

When Gail gives them ice pops and Faith's is different from Gracie's she cries and wants Gracie's and sweet little Gracie always trades with her. They have dish cloths they wrap around them to keep from "freezing" their hands. Faith decided she didn't want the one she had but wanted Grace's and you know what I am going to say. Gracie of course traded with her. We keep telling Faith that when she starts school the other children will not give her everything she wants like Grace.

Gail had an ice pop and Faith told me that her Mommy didn't need a towel to wrap around her's because Mommy is "tough".

If I can find some beautiful red strawberries I may make some freezer jam and maybe blueberries too. If I get blueberries we could also have blueberry pancakes and sausage for breakfast. I plan on stopping at the Farmer's market again. They have in some fresh local veggie's now. Potatoes, cucumbers, cauliflower, squash, cabbage and green tomatoes. Gail's fried green tomatoes are so much better than mine. Her's turn out nice and crispy and mine get sort of soft and soggy. Why? Who knows, since I taught her how to make them.

What Happened

What happened to my plan and to journaling a little each day?

I have been reading some good blogs with suggestions for getting on with life and trying to make yourself feel better. I have started a notebook. I print off the entries from here but also have other subjects in it. Such as recipes, gardening, pictures, thoughts & ideas, poetry, letters, emails I want to keep, decorating ideas (but what do I have to decorate) there I go being negative.

I have never grown herbs and I did buy a few at the market. My friend Brenda said she put some rosemary and ginger in a bowl and it smelled wonderful. I did not get either of those. Is ginger a herb? I still want to get rosemary and chives. I bought Gail some yellow daisies at the market that were marked down to 50 cents a pot. They seem to be thriving. Her little garden is looking good.

Gail and I are such candle lovers and scent lovers we have decided to make candles, soap, bath salts, and maybe aromatic beads. We have never done any of this but I printed off instructions and now we need to go buy some supplies. That would give me maybe one new activity that I may enjoy. I will wait and see. I hate to do things that I don't really love to do just to be busy and pass the time. I need to be able to enjoy it. It makes me more depressed to think I am just doing something to fill the hours.

I need to buy some new bed sheets and some beautiful designed pillow cases. Maybe some plain white cases too. Also I desperately need new fluffy pillows. I like a nice cosy made up bed. So does mikael she has always liked to get in my bed because she says it is so cosy. I need new or vintage linen tea towels especially to cover bread in a basket. A new flea market is opening in Nitro on June 30th maybe I will try to get down there Saturday.

Rain Rain Go Away

It has been raining for 2 days or longer and is supposed to rain the rest of the week. It reminds me of June 1961 when we had a flood and a lot ofpeople were killed. We lived in Charleston on Morris Street. I remember my Mother getting getting up the next mroning and walking out to Kroger's for some groceries. The street was flooded. My best friend Linda Adkins had some little cousins that lived on Garrison Avenue and they drowned trying to leave the flooded area.

Remembering this also got me to thinking about how the city has changed so much since I was a teenager. My Mother worked at Charleston General Hospital before it was ever called CAMC. It was then just a small hospital. There used to be a street (Elmore Street) where the CAMC parking building now stands. The hospital's main entrance was on this street and across the street was the nursing school. The street nor that entrance exist today.

The building I hated the most to see torn down was the Kanawha County Public Library when it was located on Lee Street across from the old Stone and Thomas store. It was a beautiful old gray stone building with an outside double staircase. I loved that building. A modern building housing a bank and offices stands there today. I wish I had taken more pictures of Charleston when I was growing up. I have some, but I don't think I have the library, Linda might. I do have some pictures of Charleston High School taken in the 60's and a few others around town.

Hmmm

Two solitary stars–Unmeasured systems farBetween us roll,But by our conscious light we areDetermined to one pole. Thoreau

Busy at work today. However we did have a good Italian lunch. Spaghetti/meatballs and Ravioli and all the trimmings. Janie brought garlic bread in a basket with a pretty tea towel covering the bread. I think that is just so "homey" and comforting.

Tuesday is a holiday for me (WV Day) I could have taken Monday off, but it is hard for me to be off 4 days in a row. I used to love taking an extra vacation day.

Gail, Billy, and the Twins plan on going to the chili cookoff "Smoke on the River" held on Magic Island tomorrow. They want me to go, but I kinda doubt that I will. This is just one of those times that I would feel worse by going out to something like that.

Mikael called at 1:30 Am said she just had a "bad feeling" that something was wrong. She is just homesick and can't sleep. I do understand how she feels I have been away from home and had the same worries and feelings. The plan is for her to stay until after July 4th and then come home. That is over 2 more weeks I doubt she will make it that long.

Billy is cooking us a meatloaf for dinner Sunday. I need to stop at the market and get him some little new red potatoes to cook. They are my very favorite no matter how they are fixed.

Twins and Mikael

One would not exchange the valueA grandchild bringsOr the happiness and fulfillmentThat comes from having them tag alongOr even cry for you when you leave;And you try to contain how you feel,Secretly.
Gail "tried" to take away their pacifiers (ninnies) last night. Faith would be ok without hers, but poor Gracie became hysterical. I know they are 3 and need to give them up, but Grace still needs hers. She ended up having to give them back. I think she needs to wait until they get settled in daycare when she starts school in August. Let them get used to one thing at a time. But what do I know I am only the Grammy.

Mikael is still in Virginia Beach with her Dad. She is homesick but does not want to hurt his feelings by saying so. She is used to being busy and and she does not have anything to do down there during the day when he is at work. We miss her too.

Oops cousin Lee Lee has the mumps and will not be seeing the twins for a few days. I remember when Mikael had them and spent the night with me. She woke me up during the night so I could "rub" her back without scratching.

Standing Still and Running away

Thought for the day: Dr. Phil McGraw points out that you can lie to yourself in two ways: you can tell yourself something that is not true, or you can leave out the details you don't wish to acknowledge. Either way, you gain nothing by deceiving yourself.
I can't believe what my life has been for almost a year now. I still feel as if it is a bad dream and I will wake up. These things just do not happen. Especially to George and me. We thought we had it all were different and would love each other forever; well we still love each other and if it was up to me things would not be this way. So much of it I just do not understand. How could he/we have let this happen? I was so sure of us. We are not kids so how could 2 "old" people let this happen? I only have one word of advise "if you have something or someone you love you had better hang on tight, keep a watch and never take anything for granted (like I did) because there is going to be someone out there who is jealous of other people's happiness or have a need to control everyone just waiting to snatch it away.

I am at such a standstill day after day is passing and I am not doing anything about it except just exist. Afraid to think of the past because if I think of the happy memories it will completely destroy me. So I just exist and try not to think about any thing, but it seems like such an awful way to waste your life. Because we were always busy and going someplace on the week ends doing everything together, if I try to do anything at all that I used to like it makes me feel worse because everywhere I turn I run into a memory and wish we were doing it together.

We were so complete together that I just about shut everyone else out of my life without meaning too and now who do I turn to for understanding?? Besides I don't really want to be with anyone that also makes it all worse. So I just keep pushing everyone away, except for my kids and grandbabies. Without Mikael and the twins I don't believe I would have survived, that is if you call living like this surviving. I just stay in the house read and work puzzles to keep my mind blank. I do still enjoy going to yard sales and flea markets. I guess I am living like this because it all seems to be so unreal and crazy.

It has been worse lately because the weather makes me think of vacation and Ocracoke. I punish my self everyday by turning on the computer and looking at the lighthouse web cam and pictures on the OBX connection site. I cannot accept that we will never go there again. I need a plan. maybe by writing this down it will help me think.

It is funny when you have been together for a lot of years and certain things he does get on your nerves and then when you are apart you wonder why could you have not been more understanding. At least I realize again how important he is to me and that I should have done a better job of protecting our lives. That is another thing that makes me so mad that I could have watched this happening and let it get this far. There were signs. Judy (my beloved sister-in-law the "taker of lives") had given signs. I just did not ever think he would listen to her or that his children, my step children, would listen to her. He is sick or he would not have but his kids do not have that excuse. I look back and can practically pinpoint when she started calling and talking to them.

When I said I need a plan, I meant it I need to sit down and make one of my lists (I love lists) for an action plan and then do something about it. At least I could try. Maybe if I tell mself I have to write what I have done each day that it will seem so pitiful little that I will get busy and take some action.

Pee Pee in the Trash Can

Thought of the day:
Don't die with your music still in you" Emerson




The twins had perfected how they could use the bathroom at the same time and same place. They each sat on a side and back to back so they both could do it at the same time. However one day Faith did not want Grace to sit with her so she told her to pee in the bathroom trash can and she did.

Gracie loves to look at the ads in the newspaper. Yesterday she was telling us that Rite Aid, CVS and Wal Mart (walmart is her favorite) had this or that on sell and she had coupons too. I was surprised that she actually said CVS since she goes there so seldom. I go a lot so maybe she has heard me talking. Grace will look at ads or a magazine longer than she will watch TV. FAith loves a few movies, but they do not keep Geace's attention for very long.

Twins Birthday

Today is the twins 3rd birthday. It does not seem possible that they are 3!!! I hate to see them grow up at the same time I guess we wouldn't want them to stay the same. I think Faith will read long before she starts to school. She is very intillegent. Last night she had one of my books without any pictures and was lying on the floor looking at each page as though she was reading. If only she was not such a little imp. We laugh at her antics now, but when she starts pre school she might have problems. Maybe Gail needs to have a long talk with her, because she understands and maybe she just needs Gail to tell her how to behave socially. Other kids will not let her take or give her their toys the way Grace does. When Faith woke up this morning she had on a few "extra" clothes. She had undressed put on her bathing suit and then her night clothes back on. Gail is going to need to move that chest away from her bed. Who knows what they will do once they get regular beds.

Then there is my sweet Gracie. She has to have the most beautiful smile in the world. She is the "little" Mommy to Faith and is usually patient with her. Her favorite book is one that her Mommy loved when she was little it is a Berstein Bear book "Inside Outside Upside Down" After Gail or the library lady reads a book to them Grace gets the book and "reads" the story to us. If we don't understand something that Faith says Gracie will translate it for us. I had worried about her starting pre school because she has always been scared of people that she does not see every day, but she is a lot better now and doesn't sit on her Mommy's lap all the time when other people are around. Last week I was watching them one evening and just before bed time Gracie cleaned up all the toys even wiped off the table and said "Mommy will ber proud of me". I worry a little about her need to be good and need for approval.