Back to Work

Back after a 3 day week end. I used to enjoy all my time off and wish I could take even more, but the way things are now I was glad to come back to my routine. It is extremely hot in the 90's. Too hot for me to enjoy being outside. I did walk about 3 blocks over to buy some plants from these people that sale flower and vegetable plants from their house. I bought red and white petunias, white and lavender impatiens, and multicolored Zennias for Gail to plant in her little garden that she dug up in a corner of the yard. They looked good this morning. She had been out early to water them.
This is a picture of some of my flowers from a few years back.

Cookouts and Cemeteries

Todays thought:
So what happens next? None of us know. But what they do know is that you should cherish every day, accept whatever comes along.

Gail is planning a cookout for Saturday. I would like to be home with George, if I am at her house she will want me to take part and pretend I am having a good time, If I stayed in my room she would worry and she and Mikael would constantly bug me about it. I don't feel up to socializing it only brings back memories. Oh well this atitude doesn't match todays thought does it?

This got me to thinking about how different Memorial day used to be when I was a child and even in my 20's. You always and I mean always went to the cemetery on the actual memorial day. Everyone took flowers. Some bought them, some picked from their gardens and others were made from crepe or tissue paper. There would be a short service led by a minister. It was important to my Mother that we go every year. You need to understand that my Mother grew up in a different time and world from the way it is today. You did not dress casually to go to the cemetery on this day. Things were starting to change some but not for my Mother.That means no jeans, shorts or even dress pants. Even after we were grown some of us tried to go each year to the cemetery with her. One year my sister Dee was visiting from California and wanted to take her. So the plans were made.
The next day we were ready to go and my Mother walked in and just about had a heart attack. Dee had on shorts!! She had not bought a dress or skirt with her. Mother refused to go. She would not be disgraced by a daughter of hers going to the cemetery dressd like that. My other sisters and I finally came up with a dress she could wear and the drama was over.

I have always liked cemeteries and I like to read the inscriptions on the headstones. Ocracoke Island is a good place to visit the cemeteries. When I was a child we played in the cemetery. We would make sandwiches and kool aid to take for a picnic. We usually set the kool aid on someone's headstone. I first learned to ride a bike in our old cemetery.

Even if I don't hang around for the cookout, I will make some food for Gail. Potato salad, cole slaw, and deviled eggs. I need to stop at the Farmer's Market for some vegetables. Local vegetables are not in yet, but they have some hydrophonic tomatoes that are pretty good. Hmm that means I could have a BLT for breakfast.
I will make a cake too. It is a very easy dessert. You bake a chocolate cake according to the directions on the box. After the cake is done pour a jar of butterscotch ice cream topping over the cake, top off with a container of cool whip and refrigerate until time to eat.

Reading, Writing, Arthmetic & Mermaids

I truly do not know the purpose of my Blog. I guess I will start out writing about the things I like, things that happened in the past and currently. If for no other purpose my Granddaughter, Mikael will want to read it someday. She likes talking with me and having me tell her things that have happened in my life.
I have always loved to read. I can remember as a little girl the first time I read "Ala Baba & the Forty Thieves". Then as now I can get so engrossed that I don't know what is going on around me. When I read Ala Baba I was somewhere between 7 - 9 years old. My Mother had taught me to read when I was 5. I was in the house alone reading Ala Baba (my Mother was at the hsopital with my younger sister and my Dad and brothers were working outside in the garden) I was deeply involved in the story when I heard a sound or something it may have been a light dimming or a creak in the house, but I heard it and jumped scared to death. I had to stop reading and go outside and stay with my Dad. It was days before I could go back and start reading the story. The only other book that really frightened me was "Salem's Lot" by Stephen King. I read it when my children were small. I stayed up reading one night then was actually scared to go to bed and when I did I dreamed all night about something being at my window. The next morning I picked the book up early to finish it, I knew I had to get to the end hours before my bedtime. I started in again reading it a few months back. I got about half through the book and had to stop. I don't think I will ever be brave enough to finish it again. Another book I read at a young age was "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn". I still re read it from time to time. My best friend since we were 11 years old and I also reread "Gone with the Wind".

As maybe you can tell from my profile I seem to favor Southern authors with Pat Conroy being at the top of my list followed by Anne Rivers Sidon (although I was disappointed with her last 2 books), Dorthea Benton Frank, Sue Miller, Harper Lee and others.

I like Elizabeth Berg, Rosamunde Pilcher (my favorite being Winter Solstice, Dean Kontz, any cookbook. I own most books written about Ocracoke Island. My 3 favorite ones are Ocracoke Wild and Ocracoke Odyssey by Pat Garber and Ocracoke Portrait by Ann Ehringhaus. Ann Lindbergh's Gift From the Sea. I first read Gift from the Sea only 10 years ago, 1996. My husband and I were in Ocean City and then going on to Ocracoke. I picked it up on Ocean City's boardwalk. T.S. Eliot



I grow old … I grow old …

I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?

I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.

I have heard the Mermaids singing each to each
I do not think they will sing to me

I have seen them riding seaweeds on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water and back
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us and we drown

Ocracoke Breakfast

Taken at the Pony Island Restaurant Ocracoke NC the best place on the Island for breakfast.

Most everyone likes the "pony potatoes"

Another good place for breakfast is The Pelican".

Blue Monday

Night is still and sweetWith flowers on every tree;Peace comes to them on quiet feet,But not to me.My peace is hidden in his breastWhere I shall never be,Love comes to-night to all the rest,But not to me.
Sara Teasdale



Another bad day but I am tired of my own whining. I wish I could go home work in my flower garden and cook a good dinner for George. That's all it would take.

I made spaghetti and meatballs yesterday and of course couldn't stop thinking of him because that is his favorite meal. He taught me (even though he doesn't cook) to put hunks of pepperoni in the sauce. It is everyones favorite meal. Pam always made it for us when we went to the beach. It is just too strange to think that will never happen again.

I wanted to start walking more because at another low point in my life walking helped me so much, but I feel too depressed to make myself do it. What do others do that helps them cope and to feel a little better?

This and that

Words to Live By;
I've learned -that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.


The guys made breakfast at work this morning for all of the women in celebration of Mothers day. We had pancakes, sausage, juice, coffee, and milk.

I am always trying to write in my journal but all I think about is I am died and other people are reading my journals. That at times makes it extremely hard to be completely honest. I guess because I want to just put a good light on things and not let people know how unhappy some things have made me and now here I am writing this and anyone can read it. Do I want to do this. yes? no? maybe?

This last year has been the worst year of my life and I just keep waiting for the next bad thing to happen. After G got out of the hospital this last time I was hopeful that things might change. Particularly since he called me while in the hospital needing me and then came to see me that evening when he felt like driving again. Then we talked about my coming down for a few days but he started drinking and I just could not do it. I love him and I know he still loves me but it is all such a mess mostly because of family (his) interference. We could have worked things out if it had not been for that. I never knew people did things like that. I mean going in your house and going through all of your stuff and also taking things. I am to old to have been that innocent. The only reason I didn't see about filing charges is I was afraid it would be too much for him.He is 10 times worse than he was before I was gone. This is what his beloved family has done to him.

He said the other day he loves me and that he thinks about all the good times we had together. I told him I can't let myself think about them beause it only makes me feel worse. I walk through the Farmers Market each day to meet my ride and get depressed because I remember all the springs we did that together.

Even after all this time I am still in shock that other people actually interfered in what should have been our private lives. What kind of people do things like that?? I know his sister wants to run the lives of her entire family. She has done this before so why does everyone not see it? She even hired a detective to gain information on her daughter. She has no life of her own, but that is only her fault. She needs to get a life and maybe she wouldn't have the urge to cut herself anymore. It's his children that I totally do not understand. I loved them and thought they care for me too. I can't even trust my own judgement any longer, because I was sure fooled there.

It would have been so easy to manipulate her. I could have done it by acting needy and going to her for advise, but I would never have a life of my own again. There are times I wish I had done it. She would have been solely on my side if I had acted weak and told her the private details of our life. She would be cussing him for not treating me better, but for one thing I would not talk about him like that and two my life would have still been miserable having to keep up that facade all the time.

Wow how I do run on. Enough for today.

Twin Stories

I have twin granddaughters 2 years old. I don't want to forget the things they do and say. Also have a 13 year old granddaughter

Note written by "big" sister before the twins were born
I think that I will be a very good big sister to my baby twins and I am happy thatn my mom is having these twins and I never thought thatI would be a big sister in my life but I am veryhappy that I am going to be a big sister

04/2006
Gail took the twins to the library yesterday and got them their first library cards. Mikael came home from school and the cards were propped up on top of the tv. She looked at them and said you got 2 cards? Why did you get 2 cards? Gail said "mikael mikael they are 2 separate people you know!!!Anyway I thought it was funny and they are very excited about their cards and are going back for a program this morning and taking their cards so they can check something out of the library. Faith told me you have to be quiet, but her Mom said she is not doing to good a job at that part. But that is better than the little girl that Gail said picks her nose, eats her buggers, sticks her hands down her pants then wants to sit with the twins.

05/06/2006
I was icing a cake with chocolate frosting and gave the twins each a spoon to lick. Grace got some on her upper arm and had her head turned licking it off. She looked at her twin and saw that she had it on her fingers and said "Faithie can I lick your fingers"?

Letter to granddaughter on her 13th birthday
February 3, 2006 Dear Mikael,Today you are a teenager. It is so hard to believe you are 13 today. I guess this is one of many first you will start having as you continue to grow up. Your teenage years will be both wonderful and hard (sometimes both in the same day). Just remember we have all survived them.You have so much to look forward to and that is very exciting.Mikael, you have been blessed with people that love you; you are intelligent, beautiful (inside and out) and have a good sense of what is right and wrong. This has all given you a good start that some children never have. So make the most of that as you grow.I want you to have a good life and be happy in what you do no matter what it is. You push yourself to make good grades and although I am proud of that, the thing I am most proud of is your outlook on life and how you think people should be treated no matter who they are. The way you believe that people should just be themselves and that other people need to accepts us as we are. You told all of this to me once 2 or 3 years ago and I was very impressed.What I expect from you is not that you make a lot of money (but that would be good too haha) but that you continue to be a good kind human being. That is success!I love you more than you will ever know, until you have a granddaughter of your own. Then you will understand.Love forever,Grammy

Letter to granddaugher number 1 from the past:
March 16, 2000
Dear Mikael:
Today is Absolutely Incredible Kid day. This is a day that you are supposed to write a letter to a kid. Of course my letter is to you.
I will always remember the day you were born as one of the most incredible days of my life. My first glimpse of you was your hair, as your Mom was trying to push you out into this world. After you were born I held you for a little bit. Uncle was there too. He didn’t see you born, but I did.
I left for a while so you and Mommy could rest. I went shopping and bought you an outfit to wear home. That is when I also bought you the musical Big Bird.
The next day Poppa and I picked you and Mommy up and took you home with us.
I loved it when you would wake up for your bottle before Poppa and I left for work. You would stare up at Mommy with those big eyes like you loved her so much. Don’t tell Mommy, but sometimes I would try to wake you up so I could see you before I had to leave.
As you got to be a few months old you would be sitting on the floor when we came home from work. You would get so excited and start squealing, bouncing, and clapping your hands.
After you were walking you would walk back and forth in the living room and argue with Poppa for an hour. You were only jabbering, but we could tell you meant what you said!! Then there was the time Poppa went to the Dairy Queen and bought you your first banana split. We have pictures of that mess.
Remember when poppa would ride you on the lawn mower? You would wait for him to get to the level places and out the door you would go when you heard him stop out front.
When you were a little older we started taking you on trips. Mommy went to Sea World with us and I think that’s when you fell in love with motels. Remember when we went to ride Cass Railroad? To the little Zoo in Ohio? To the Smoky Mountains? Niagara Falls? To Wheeling to see the light festival? In the Smoky Mountains you asked us if there were little holes in the mountains to let the smoke out.
Of course best of all is our trips to Ocracoke Island, North Carolina. This year will make your fourth summer on Ocracoke. I want you to know you scared me nearly to death the first time you jumped in that pool. I can hardly wait until June when we can go again.
Do you remember when I would push you in the swing under the deck? We would FLY TO THE MOON.
I have watched you grow from a baby to a 7 year old first grader. Whenever you learn something new I get as excited as you do.
I love you very much and you are my absolutely incredible kid. Grammy will always love you.
love
Pat (just kidding ha ha its Grammy to you)

May 20th
Sometimes I can't understand Faith when she talks but Gracie always tell me what she said. Twins fascinate me I think I could watch them interact forever. It's stange too it is like it takes both of them to make one whole well rounded personality. Grace tries to be too good and Faith is mean and never wants to be good. Faith has rolled her eyes at us since she was a few months old. I sometimes call her the wise old lady bewcause she seems to know things and we are not sure how she does it. She reminds me of me about everything but the being mean. I was a lood little girl like Grace. Gracie is the "Mommy" too she looks after Faithie like some protector. She shares everything with her and Faith share nothing with anyone.

Ocracoke Island pictures

1. Mikael, Gail and Katie on ferry going home June 2002

2. Billy, Mikael, John, Treva, Gail and Brandi at lighthouse June 2001

3. Dee and Grandkids at lighthouse June 2001




4. Mikael Katie on the Ferry to Ocracoke June 2003

4 Days in May

Mikael and Gail at Howards June 1999.

Off work the week end, Monday and Tuesday. I had planned on going home, but after talking with Geo did not go for the usual reasons. I needed to clean and get some of my other things and some for Gail. I also just needed to talk to him and tell him some things that may help. Trying to decide if I want to bring the outside table and chairs up to her. What about the gas grill? Neither one is doing any good just setting there and this has been going on for a year. If the coneflowers are up I wanted to dig up some to transplant into Gail's garden.
Watched the twins while Gail went down to the college yesterday to check on her classes. They slept the whole time.
I am really depressed this morning. Maybe a walk at lunch will help some. I want to call Geo but at the same time I dread it.
Weather: almost 80 today with rain tonight
This has been a blah day at work.

Me

About Me What I like:
Choclate ice cream cones
I read a lot
Do word puzzles
Ocracoke Island, NC
Walking
The woods in the spring and autumn
I like the word Autumn
I would like to take an overnight trip on a train to anywhere
English Cottage Gardens
Cook Books
Pancakes with lots of butter
My Bedroom
Pictures of family and Friends
My Grandaughters
The first snowfall
Birdsong
The smell of earth in the spring
Pat Conroy
Wonderful old buildings
Traveling
Christmas, Halloween and Thanksgiving
Hearing Windchimes
Movie theater pop corn
Getting into a cozy bed
Setting on the porch during a summer storm
Cats


My Dislikes:
The letter H
Oysters
Pantry hose
Smug people
Controlling people
24/7
The word and what people mean by "closure"
Sewing
I hate to see wonderful old building torn down for new modern ones
Most sports
Snakes




Books I want to buy:
A year by the Sea Joan Anderson
A walk on the Beach Joan Anderson
Kanawha Images Richard Andre
Pawley's Island Dorthea Benton Frank
The last 2 Patricia Cornwell books.

I have re read a couple of Dean Koontz books. His first works were great!

Goals:
Walk 2 miles per day
Spend less
Learn more about my job
Write in my journal more
Get all of my videos on to a CD and a VCR tape

Things to do:
Vandalia Festival Memorial week end
Senior Expo May 17th (for work)
Contact Linda (mail her letter)
Send letter to George JR and Judy
Develop pictures

Need to Buy:
Clothes
A new DVD/VCR player

List of things I want from home:
Patio table/chairs
Picture albums
My sketch and poem by Mikael
Clothes
Outside garden ornaments
Unpainted table
Gravy boats
Gas grill
Small garden
A few of my books
Fish net (and other things in my "beach" room)
"Don't break the ice"
Mikael's popper for the twins
Book shelf in bedroom
Wall plates
Roosters
Jewelry
White storage cube
Brass candle sticks
Platters
Video tapes
Dixie Pottery Chair

Things I collect Now:
Gravy Boats
Mccoy Pottery
Cookie cutters
Roosters/chickens
plates/platters
Enamelware (green, cream and/or yellow)
Pitchers (for Daughter)
Skunks (for husband)
Wall Pockets;Family & Friends Pictures
Books
Beach Stuff (shells, etc that I actually find on the beach)
Wind Chimes

Things I want to start collecting:
Jadite
Toothpick Holders
Clear S&P Shakers with colored tops
Rerfrigerator Dishes










Hey this is great now I will know exactly where my lists are.